coming soon: Score January 2004

Well, the California gubernatorial race is over and Arnold terminated the compeTITion, which included our friend Mary Carey, who garnered 10th place with 10,100 votes (75% of her votes were from men). No better time than to publish this boning pictorial. It's been a wild 2003 for 22 year-old Mary Carey. Possibly the wildest year she will ever have. There will never be any adult star harvesting so much mainstream media attention and press ever again. Mary was everywhere you looked: The New York Times, Fox News With Bill O'Reilly, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Washington Post, The BBC, Newsweek and Time magazines, CNN and thousands of newspapers and periodicals around the globe. (Meanwhile, the first Chinese astronaut into space gets a small story on page 10, no picture.) Mary was even the subject of a Newsday column by the legendary New York City newspaperman Jimmy Breslin, who wrote, "She is a porn movie star and a pretty one. She got on the ballot by standing at a gas station and collecting signatures. She has the idea that publicity from being in an election for governor of California will help her cross over from porn movies to major films. Dumb she is not." Shortly before the election, Mary admitted in detail on the Howard Stern show that she went to one-ball comic actor Tom Green's house and sucked him off, shortly after appearing on his MTV talk show. People have short memories so it's doubtful she'll be known as the suck and tell girl. "I don't think I could ever top running for governor," she told the New York Times. "I'm not in the porn industry for the sex. I love being on camera. And running for governor, I got to be on camera with my clothes on. I can't believe I was, like, on the ballot for a governor's race." It was a small consolation for Mary to earn a check for $21,200 for winning "The Debating Game: Who Wants To Be Governor of California?" on the Game Show Network. The TV network also ran her concession speech after the voting results were made official. "I want to look slutty, Mary told reporters while she was in make-up. "I never look slutty anymore." But it's tough for Mary to look slutty. There's always something wholesome about her. "Tonight, the people of California have spoken," Mary said in her concession speech. "So I'm officially conceding. Hopefully Arnold will use my idea of webcams in the governor's mansion. Arnold, if you ever need any advice or want to grope another girl, call me."

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